Peer-reviewed article

"You're the child I never wanted": an interpretative phenomenological analysis about the invisible struggle of families in crisis raising a child with persistent and severe regulatory problems.

Hertveldt F, Stockman D, Van Hal G, Wouters E, Ponnet K et al. · 15 Jun 2026

Abstract

Background Infant regulatory problems (RP), such as sleeping disturbances, feeding difficulties and excessive crying, affect a significant number of families and can persist beyond typical developmental stages, leading to distress for both the child and parents. These challenges disrupt the co-regulatory bond between parent and infant, often resulting in mutual dysregulation, parental burnout, and strained family relationships. Sociocultural values in Western societies, combined with conflicting role expectations, can contribute to heightened parental stress. Despite growing recognition of infant mental health (IMH), families' lived experiences dealing with persistent and severe RP remain underexplored. Methods This study addresses the existing gap by employing an Interpretative Phenomenological Approach (IPA), specifically the Multi Family Member Interview Analysis (MFMIA), to explore the nuanced and shared experiences of families in crisis. Interviews were conducted with six father-mother dyads who had received specialised tertiary IMH treatment due to persistent and severe RP in their child. Results Analysis revealed four phenomenological themes. First, families experienced more than stress or fatigue; RP represented an existential rupture that dismantled the predictability of everyday life (Disrupted lives). Second, traditional gender roles shaped coping strategies: fathers often sought refuge in work while mothers remained confined to relentless caregiving, creating a painful asymmetry that intensified exhaustion (A gendered struggle for balance). Third, social isolation emerged through external minimisation and internal reluctance to show vulnerability, leaving families increasingly disconnected (Alone on an island: trapped in a vicious cycle of isolation). Finally, the crisis extended beyond its acute phase, with participants describing a prolonged period characterised by significant differences between families, where persistent vulnerability intertwined with varying degrees of resilience (The past shapes the present). Conclusions These results reveal a bidirectional dynamic, i.e., a spiralling mutual influence, operating between the infant and the parents, as well as within the co-parenting dyad. In this cycle, the challenges of raising a child with RP and the disruptions within the parent-child and parenting subsystems mutually reinforce each other, eroding identity, straining relationships, and fostering isolation. This study highlights the critical importance of societal recognition, accessible social support, and responsive government policies for families facing infant RP.